unlike synthetic
None.
I'm in my bed. I wake up numb and heavy. I can not move. I move my mouth, I grimaced. I do not understand why. I can not move. In the dark look that my eyes become accustomed. I peppered her face wrinkled, marked by age. Those around the mouth are the most profound. They say I benevolent expression. I look at my hands. They are firm but calm. They are grayish. My skin is raised, as if it were empty. The one hand, then it is a lot. I have long fingernails, cured, without polish. I have some darker spots, which does not bother me much. I wear glasses but now I wear them because they are in bed. They are on the table, I think. If only I could turn head. I hear the sound of my heart into the mattress. Beats fast, but with less frequency. Now I understand. Feel my head sinking ever deeper into the pillow, against my will. But now counts for little. I feel my face heat up, as if to implode. My eyes are veiled. I feel eyes veiling. The eyelids are closed against my will. Close.
I got up. I looked in the mirror and I washed. I combed his hair with a brush and hair dryer. They are easy to comb because they are white and short. Not too short. I am a bit 'overweight and maybe I should lose weight. I slipped the cream-colored suit that I really like. I got out. "Grandma, when you were young you all rigged so little?" and walking why do I need to walk. "No, quite the contrary. Most of the girls make-up so much, seemed to many masks." I say they are elegant. Today I put the pin in the shape of a vase full of flowers made of precious stones on it. Today is my birthday. Give me a strange feeling these modern cars. So fast. I am sitting in front. "Congratulations Mom!" exclaim in a group. I am a bit 'of people, my three daughters, husbands and others. Several grandchildren. My favorite nephew is not there, could not come, it's on. E 'dark, curly hair is no longer as a child. Not so now and have never liked them straight. E 'slim, not too high. And 'nice but he does not know. In the photos that I have I did the happy expression of those who lack something.
Bado always to my nephew. It 's small. Much smaller than her age. Minute, I mean. He has the face of the person, who suffers. I'm not sure why. It 'hard being the youngest. I often sit down with him to read books. He likes to hear. It 's very small, has enormous eyes and dark. Sometimes I lose myself. Did not the very masculine features. It does not matter. It has lots of curly hair and blacks. I like to hear when shaking my hand. E 'trivial, but I feel it. I feel he and his adoration. When he was even smaller, long ago, we went to our house in the mountains, like all summers. When we were sitting on the red couch watching the television broke into tears. "I do not want you to die, Grandma." I had a chill, maybe it was ecstasy, maybe not. I do not know whether to be happy. I fear that will grow with the fear of my death. Maybe not. I think so.
My youngest daughter was taken to hospital. It is not very tall, has dark hair and a pretty face. He became a permanent exaggerated than those that are so fashionable now. You know that I do not like her hairstyle. I am sitting in the white room and wait to tell me if the baby is born. There's other people nervous that revolves around me. I am told that it was born. In just over eight months. Who knows, maybe will be smaller. I doubt that this is a scientific thing. The they cut the umbilical cord had twisted her neck. He struggled desperately and struggling. They cut my daughter to get through. Right up to the navel. I dare not imagine my daughter cut in half. But it goes well. Though you might feel good.
My husband did not feel well. We are in the hospital. I'm in the room with him and read it as my usual. Every time I go out on the terrace fumarmi a cigarette. Those long white that the girls are inferior but that's about me are elegant. As if it were a fashion accessory. My husband is in full middle age. Just as I am. He has a few years older than me but does not show. It has lots of hair and blacks is a smart man, but it's in the blood. The My daughters are worried. My youngest daughter, then is little more than a teenager and has inherited all my anxiety. One of the twins is coming from another city. She 's married with a thin man with a beard. They say he is gay. I do not care, I have never been racist. But I care for his happiness. My daughter got married just to get married. Because he believed it to be happy. Many do. Then he saw his sister married for quite some time. Envy wanted to marry her. My husband is tired of being in hospital. They still have not brought the results of tests and sits on the bed. He gets up and comes towards me. He starts to hug me. But it falls. Fall hard on the floor. And I have the view fall violently on the floor. I heard the thud dela his head against the gray tile. Does not move. I call it shakes but does not move. Now I'm crying.
I heard my third daughter violently push inside me. With a force unknown to me. But an ancient pain. E 'out small and fragile and all covered with blood. She did not cry. E 'silent as a woman of another era. And the big eyes and that blacks would fall in love with any man. The twins are not so great but are already going to school. I do not know if they want another sister. One of them is beautiful, has blonde hair and blue eyes. Beautiful with its delicate features. The other is a bit shapeless and 'plump. Her hair is a bit of a blonde ' dirty. Green eyes, but dark. It 's always by herself and her sister look like an idol to emulate and destroy. She likes dolls so much. She did not seem so. The sister did.
The church is crowded with people. I have a white veil on her head and transparent. He is beside me and soon we will be married. I do not like his mother. It 'very severe, very old. They say I'm born to drown the cats do not keep them. I do not like cats but do not drown them ever. Feeling that little body writhing under my heavy hand stuck in a tub full of water. And then turn around and look at others waiting their turn. I do not have it this cold. My mother is austere. But like a queen. He has a great sense of humor and is a tall woman and always elegant. I love my mother. My father has ideas that do not share. But good is the best person I know. Good to idiocy. It has no character, as on the other hand did not have my almost-husband. But I feel as if it were mine. It 's a thing to do.
I'm running furiously to this dirt road hill. I hear the sound of footsteps of so many people like me running and ominous rumbles. I have my usual gray suit. The shoulder-length hair, carefully combed and in turn how he wants the fashion of today. They tell me I look like an actress in the film. In that picture I took a few days ago it looks really. I like going to the movies. I went into a cave. From cave you can see the city in the distance. E 'illuminated by the flames that devour. There are planes flying high in the sky and throw things to illuminate the streets. Shortly after launch and there were more bombs. Fall, scare and destroy. This is why I ran away. I hear the roar coming from the city not far away. It 's night and there are many people with me. Many of the blankets. My mother is talking to someone, who knows where my sister and my brothers are at the front. I do not know where. Perhaps the letters do not get it. Maybe not write. There's a guy who looks at me. He is my age or so. I think I like it. I find it elegant. Of blacks has thick hair, short, swept back with the line on one side. Like all the other boys. He speaks to me. It 's strange to feel that feeling of warmth coming from the bottom. Feel for someone. They say it is wrong. I can not find it wrong. Like, even if it is like to be hungry. I like him.
My mother is saying something to the waiter. My house in the mountains very much. I'm picking the daisies to make a wreath. My little sister do not really like. But it is small. Less than me. I do not know. E 'dark, not even look like my sister. There are people in uniform who joked with my mom about this. I do not understand. My two brothers are a bit 'bigger instead. They are fun. They are always a lot of tricks on people. Type make balls of mud and pull them into the windows. People are always very angry. I have a blue dress and a ribbon of the same color on the head. I look like that girl in the story that follows the rabbit. My mother is running behind my brother with a carpet beater. Who knows what will be done this time. They are fast but she was not joking. She has long legs. I laugh.
Bagnato. I feel there is no water and light. I have a long thing that binds me that I start from there. Float. They are comfortable but maybe I want out. Then press hear from so many points and I move. I make off with four things that I use to float in the dark here. And I try to get me out, because maybe there is something there. There is a beyond. I hear the noise. Intermittence di suoni che non so riconoscere. Continuo a provare a farmi strada. Sono spostata con violenza. Qualcosa che mi stringe e una luce accecante mi colpisce e sento caldo e freddo e vedo luci e cose gigantesche che si muovono. Tutte come le vedrei dove fluttuavo. Attraverso l'acqua. Apro quella cosa che uso per succhiare a turno le mie quattro cose che mi servivano per muovermi nell'acqua. E per premere contro quella cosa molle. Muovo il viso e sento che posso tirare dentro e buttare fuori. Ed emetto un suono terribile che mi spaventa e quindi piango. E' un suono assordante. E' il mio.
E poi. Poi niente.
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